Holding On and Pushing Through

I'm still alive!! My family and I have been busily engaged in preparing the estate for sales of both personal and real property. I cannot describe to you how devastating it felt to have the whole family descend on the house, within about a week of Mom's burial, and start packing everything into boxes. My heart cried out for them to stop, just wait a little while, please! The reality in these situations is that they aren't simple. My very large family all have lives, scattered around the country, and they dropped everything to come and help get it done. They wanted to help, in some ways it was what they needed to do to start to heal, and it needed to be done, so they came and did it. Did I feel rushed and overwhelmed? Yes. Am I grateful that they all dropped their busy schedules and shifted their lives so that they could help me handle the impossible task of separating my belongings from my parents, sorting the important documents from the outdated and useless ones, and getting everything packed so that it can go where it needs to go with no further impact on my time? Yes! As one of my father's friends put it, "So you need help, but unfortunately you're going to get it... " I laughed when he said it, but he was right. 

We decided to have Mom's memorial in her home state as most of her family is still there. I am here now, in advance of the memorial, catching up with family and friends that I haven't seen in ages. I kept telling myself that if I can just get through the end of October, then I could breathe again. Things never flow smoothly or as planned, however, so now I am holding on until the end of November to start breathing. Except, by then, I need to have found a new job and a new place to live, and gotten both underway. Again, do I feel overwhelmed? Oh yeah. But I know that this feeling will pass and the healing will begin soon. So, please, hold on and hang in there through my distraction and my chaos. I promise that I will get back here and start the background story on Mom's progress through Alzheimer's very soon. I think I'll even share some of what I have learned about grieving with you. For my caregivers who read this, that's a big  part of the story, too. For now just know, I'm hanging on, my family is supporting me and loving me through all the tough times and then they have promised to kick me back out into the world and force me to live among humans again! And you know what? That's the scariest part of all of this!

Holding on! Pushing through! Smiling in the rain!!