Patterns and Routines

I have found that, in doing the everyday things successfully, it’s best if we establish and maintain a routine… a pattern of habits that we follow each time. Doing simple things like placing the walker/ chair in the same place each time we go to the bathroom, laying out the wipes and wiping our hands the same way, even using the same words when directing movements. While she may forget, with her mind, the patterns, the repeated ritual of doing the same things the same way lead to an instinctive response in those times when mom is most exhausted and unable to process instructions.

I’ve always talked a lot… a lot. I’m finding that habit coming in handy these days. Mom seems to relax and work with me better when I’m telling her everything I’m doing as I do it, or even before I do it if it involves sudden movements or loud noises. For example, “I’m going to pop the lock of the handles of the walker and then push you sideways so hold on.” Or "I’m going to roll you backwards and then pull you up to the sink, but I promise I’ll stop before your knees touch. So don’t worry.” Telling her what is happening makes her feel more in control and more at ease as things take place. When your mind can’t process a thought at normal speeds, then even things that move slowly can feel like they are spinning out of control.  

On the other hand, sometimes it’s best not to say too much. I usually prepare her tooth brush and water while she’s in the toilet. Then, when she comes out, we roll over to the sink and get our teeth brushed. I roll her into place, not banging her knees, as promised. Then pull out a Kleenex and fold it as I walk around her chair to reach her tooth brush.  The electric toothbrush always makes her nose run, so it’s best to have the tissue ready for her when she’s finished with the brushing process. I then hand her the toothbrush and tell her to put it in her mouth. When she’s done I help her stand to rinse and swish. Then I get her resettled and hand her the tissue before moving her out of the bathroom. It works smoothly... usually.

One time, I handed her the toothbrush and said, “Put this in your mouth and turn it on.” She heard “turn it on” last and so, halfway to her mouth, that’s what she acted on. With a fully charged electric toothbrush, that green gel tooth paste didn’t stand a chance. We had green gel on the mirror, the counter tops, the walls and all over both mom’s face and mine as I jumped in to grab the brush and turn it off. We were truly slimed. Needless to say, all I ask her to do these days is put it in her mouth. We let those patterns of habit do the rest.