Decisions and Dealing With Them

Well, I’ve dawdled over writing this post for long enough… As of Monday we are signing Mom up for Hospice. While she meets all of the criteria for Hospice, they also agreed that, with Alzheimer’s, that situation may not be as “final” as it sounds. For example, some Alzheimer’s patients have gotten better for a time and “graduated” from Hospice. They end up going back eventually, but they are back to normal care for a while. Also they indicated that some Alzheimer’s patients decline so slowly that, what would be a 6 month process for a cancer patient, could take a year for an Alzheimer’s patient. So we are not writing Mom off any time too soon.

Hospice is apparently more than just an “end of life” medical care program. There is also, apparently, a support for the family component to the program. I’ll have more information on the services available through Hospice as I go through the process. At this point in time, I’m just focusing on making this time easier and more comfortable for my mother.

That having been said, I want to talk a bit with other caregiver’s who might read this blog. This is as good a point as any to talk about some of the things that you will be going through. I am not one to wallow publically in sorrow, though I may weep on the shoulder of a sister or a friend. That doesn’t mean that this isn’t tearing me apart. I knew this time would come. I know that Mom is no different today than she was on Thursday before they said that she qualifies for Hospice. I know these things in my head… but my heart is telling me that I’m losing her and I can’t stop it. These are normal feelings. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you should not feel the pain or worry about what comes next. These emotions and questions are all part of the process. Accept them, but don’t wallow in them. Acknowledge their place in your world, but don’t let them overwhelm you. If you need to cry, find a quiet place to let it out, and it’s always best if you can have someone there to just remind you that it will be alright, but when you’ve cried, then stop. Go walk someplace beautiful, go shopping, go out to dinner with friends, do something that you enjoy doing and let your mind slip back into the peaceful and strong place where you need to be to give the proper love and care your loved one needs from you. You have to stay strong and take care of yourself so that you can take care of those who need you. For me, I write, I take pictures and I spend time with people I love and enjoy. I don’t have to go away to get away, but I may be unique in that way. Take time and do what YOU need to do to stay sane and patient and loving.  

And enjoy the time that you have with your loved one. Whether it’s for 6 months or year, the time will pass too quickly and you want to be able to look back and know that you filled it with love and joy.