Visitors of a Different Sort

Mom is sleeping much more these days, often as much as 20 or 21 hours out of 24 and seems quite groggy even when awake. Other days she is more alert and, of late, she has even been engaged in TV again. She is still sleeping most of the time, but when awake she is more engaged and attentive. I’m not sure if it’s the sunny weather, the summer effect, if you will, or if it is just a phase through which we are passing. I guess that, when the rain spills back in later this week, we will know better if it is sun and warmth driven or if it is just part of the disease process.

She has been a bit restless in recent days, even when she’s sleeping. Her dreams are more real to her and she often calls me by her sister’s name when she wakes from a dream to see me sitting in her room with her. She is also seeing people in the room with us now and then, mostly family. Tonight she asked me twice if I “can see that” and pointed at the space at the foot of the bed. Following the lead of one of our caregiver’s I asked her what she was seeing and she said “him”. I asked if it was Bill, as she has mentioned seeing him several times, but this time she said no. I asked if it was her father and she said yes, then hesitated and said that she didn’t know.

I told her that I had the house locked up and the alarm turned on, so any men she is seeing in the house now are family and they are welcome to be here. I then asked her to tell them Hi from me and she giggled and said that she will do that. I don’t know if this means we are entering the dementia phase, or if family is checking in on her as we move closer to time for her to go home. I don’t think she is that close to leaving, but the visits are becoming frequent occurrences at night and even happen during the day time now and then.

I am not unnerved by these visits anymore; although the first time she told me there was a man in the house I was a bit distressed. She kept talking about The Man and she finally pointed to the bed where she and dad used to sleep and said, “The Man who was there! He is here.” Well, I had run the dog through the house to be sure we were alone, even though the alarm was already on, and I put the pistol out on the table right beside my bed that night, but I also whispered to my father to stop bugging her that night because it was driving me nuts with worrying about it. After that she seemed to stop seeing him for the night. My Dad is, apparently, still taking care of us and watching over us. I’m good with that!

On a different note, we are keeping fresh flowers in Mom’s room all the time now. We used to keep them in the family room for her, but, since she seems to be more bed bound these days, we are keeping them in her bedroom now. She enjoys them when she looks up and sees them. Even if she doesn’t mention them often, we will keep them in the room for her because she always loved flowers and I know she would want them there. They are a reflection of the joyful beauty that she always saw in the world around her; that she and my dad tried to plant in our world at every duty station to which we moved.  They always had a garden and it was always full of flowers. That’s the world they tried to create for us and that’s the world we will maintain for her.